A year ago...

One year ago today I was headed to a hospital 75 miles away to be hopsitalized for the remainder of my pregnancy. I was 24 weeks pregnant and our goal was to reach 32 weeks. I prayed I'd make it the whole 8 weeks there so that I could have 2 healthy babies. I was devastated to leave my family, my sweet boys who didn't fully understand that Mommy would not be home for a LONG time. Ian was afraid, and overwhelmed. I know he didn't want to leave me there. Knowing that this was it, the day we had been hoping we'd make it to, and dreading all at the same time. We both knew that when we all left that hospital together again our lives would never be the same. We would leave either with our two babies, with one baby, or with no babies.

I was SO VERY AFRAID, an emotional wreck, but DETERMINED to do what was best for the two sweet girls growing inside me. Everyday knowing that they could hurt eachother while in the womb, possibly leading to a fatality of one or both babies was almost too much to bare. Every move they made, every kick, every hiccup I would wonder, pray, hope that they didn't get too wrapped up around eachother, that they didn't just pull their already knotted umbilical cords tighter, too tight. Being in the hospital would alleviate some of those constant fears. I knew I'd be monitored closely, that's why I was there after all to save my babies. The sacrafices we made then seem so trivial and small now one year later, yet it still feels so fresh, so raw. Like it only happened weeks ago not a YEAR ago.

And of course I didn't make it the entire 8 weeks in the hospital, though while I was there, living that moment, it felt like eternity. I made it just 3 weeks. And had I not been hospitalized and monitored so closely our girls would not be here today. Their cord accident was detected, their heart rates too low, and they were delivered. 12 weeks before they should've come into this world. But they were alive, and so BEAUTIFUL! God gave us the miracle we prayed for.

This year on Halloween we will be trick or treating, and handing out candy with ALL of our children. No fear, just fun, just us as a family.